Mom Friends

I'm currently listening to Stassi Shrooeder's (of Vanderpump Rules fame) book, You Can't Have It All. If you haven't read any of Stassi’s books, I highly recommend them. More specifically, I recommend you listen to the audio books because it's better to hear her read it. 

For someone who was on a reality show, Stassi looks at life a lot like I do. I would even put money on enjoying hanging out with her and wanting to be her friend. She has me laughing out loud and thinking "good, it's not just me" as I listen to her. 

One chapter in this book, she discusses how hard it is to make "mom friends". Until she brought it up, I never really thought about one reason being that the only thing we know about these other moms in the room, is because the younger humans that we are here with have something in common. I mean, think about that, I'm only around these people because our kids have something in common, not us. 

It's the reason they are all listed in your phone as follows (because how else will you know who they are): 

First Name: Joy

Last Name: Riley's Mom

Notes: Long curly brown hair, glasses, Military husband, works at XYZ Corp

For an introvert like myself, it's social anxiety to an eleven because if I'm at an event that's just adults, say an adults only Easter egg hunt, or a painting class, or a lecture, I at least know these people are interested in the same thing I'm there for. Or there's a 99% chance they are, since they could have been dragged there by a friend. As the friend who usually drags people to these events, I'm prepared they may have just not wanted to say "no" to the overly excitable person who asked them to join. 

She talks about how much easier it would be if there was a manual with appropriate conversation starters for these situations. I would like to second putting that thought out in the universe for someone to come up with one. 

When I was in New Orleans with kiddo for All State Choir and was hanging out with the mom's (who are all listed in my phone with their first name and the last name as to who's mom they are), the manual for conversation topics would have come in handy. Instead, I learned that cotillion's are still a thing in Baton Rouge and only spoke if spoken to because I realized I am way out of my depth and in an entirely difference social circle than these people. 

But we had a fun few days together, because our kids are all amazingly talented singers. And I'll totally chat with them again at the All-District Choir concert, Glee Club concerts, school musicals, etc. that our kids will be at. I don't see them calling me to hang out on any sort of regular basis, and that doesn't hurt my feelings. 

I've accepted that my friend groups are very categorized: Kiddo Choir Mom Friends, Kiddo's Friends Mom Friends, Yelp Friends, Work Friends, Chruch Friends, etc. Most of my friends come with a category attached to them. There are very few that I just call a friend. I only offer an uncategorized friendship to my most trusted advisors. And I'm ok with that.