A situation happened where my daughter had signed up to help with something for school and was told that a text would follow with more information. I kept asking for updates and she kept saying that a certain person had said they would start a group text.
When it was a few days out from the event she was wanting to help with, I asked again and told her that on another sheet she brought home, it said a club she was in wasn't meeting because of planning for this other event. She got frustrated and said she hadn't received a text and I got frustrated and said she could also reach out.
Begrudgingly, she reached out. She then found out that there had been a meeting that she had missed about the event the weekend before. She was upset because she had not received an email or a text message about the meeting.
I immediately went into life lesson mode, and told her that part of the reason I kept asking her was that due to the timing, I felt she should have received some information. Her initial reaction was to not help at all, but I told her that she had told them she would help, and she should still ask if there is a place for her to help and apologize for not following up sooner.
I explained to her how sometimes we can mistype a phone number or email address, and that she should also take some ownership for not following up. She looked up me and said, "Is it ok if I'm just mad right now?"
That was a kick to the gut. Because OF COURSE it was ok for her to be mad for a bit. Heck, one of my favorite songs by Terri Clark shares that exact messaging! I then told her it was ok to be mad for a little while, but she couldn't stay mad about it forever because it seems like this was a misunderstanding and not an intentional slight.
She asked if there was still something she could help with for the event, which I figured there would be because nobody really turns down volunteers, and there was. At first, she felt the jobs she was given were punishment, but I explained to her that she did miss the day when they went over how to use certain equipment, and that other people who were there for that day were also doing the same jobs she was. It seemed like those jobs were for first time volunteers, which she was, and reminded her that you have to start out doing the not so fun jobs before you move up to the "cool" jobs.
A goal for me going forward, is to try not to get instantly into a "let's fix this" or "what's the lesson" mindset and just follow Terri Clark's advice and let myself just be mad/sad/annoyed/frustrated/or whatever I'm feeling for a while. And to also give my daughter grace when she needs to do the same.
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